Parachute - 05.02.25

This month, I have been pinballed across a spectrum of emotions, none of which I feel I have the grip strength to handle. I am so suddenly affected by everything and my body will refuse to just feel the emotions and move on. There is always a way to feel things that my body sees as better, and I understand I have no say in uptaking these ways. When I see anything of those men that did this to me, I fold with a paperlike frailty and burrow down into old habits, every time. None of this is my fault and I understand that, but my understanding does not cushion the feeling or parachute the fall. That guilt comes fast and flying and when I hit the ground it does not matter if it was my fault or not.